If your partner wants to be really passable then you will have to deal with the lesbian issue. Being in a lesbian relationship is not like a hetero one. There is no big snuggly man, no social familiarity, social cues change. Your partner’s identity may change and your social and personal identity may too.
You can write down a list of how you would feel if you see changes in your partner; voice changing, having to shave, potential breast removal, and that sort of thing
I have said this before in previous post but no relationship, heterosexual or lesbian, will be guaranteed to last. Try giving your partner a female name for a week or two and using female pronouns. Just in private between the two of you. See how it feels.
Thank you for the reply ?? sperm banking does sound like a good idea and I can be there for my partner now and focus on having a baby when the timing is better. I will also try giving my partner a female name and using the pronouns when we talk to see how well I adjust. I know it will take time but I want to say I tried 110 percent if I ever decide the relationship isn’t right for me.
It is a fun adventure with two people working together, loving each other and communicating well
Hi My name is Miguel and my wife came out to me a year after being married that she wanted to take T and do top surgery. She said she has always known about it but she was afraid to come out and tell me. Now I keep telling her that she should do it cause it will make her feel better about herself and because that is what she wants. The only problem is ME, I don’t know why but even though I keep telling myself she is going to be the same person I fell in love with in the inside I’m ok with it. But then I freak out and I’m afraid that once the changes start to happen I’ll see her/him differently. I don’t know how to deal with this by myself, I need help cause I really want this to work out but I don’t even know where to start.
Dear Miguel, I don’t know if I can be of much help to you but I will try. There are lots of resources out there for partners of trans ftm. The reality is that it IS hard to see someone you love change. For some people it is harder than others. Not only do you feel like you are ‘losing the person you love’ but also you maybe losing your own identity as you essentially become a homosexual couple. It’s ok to be scared and to have big questions and doubts. Read as much information you can about the transition process and what taking T does to the body. Find someone to talk to about how you feel, whether it be online or in real life (like a counsellor). If you can’t speak about it to someone because you don’t have the words or just can’t then do some writing. Or you can write about what a transition would mean to you. Writing might help you get a better sense of the “bigness and newness” of the process.
Thank You for the reply and thank you for the information I hope this gives me a better understanding of the situation but you know i’m still scared.